By Philip Reeves, Morning Edition, August 29, 2006 - In India, several states have banned the sale of Coke and Pepsi after a group called The Center for Science and Environment said the soft drinks contain unacceptably high levels of pesticide.
Is there really an acceptable level of pesticide content in soda? Doesn't any amount of, say, Raid greater than, you know, NONE qualify as too @#$%ing much? Can we not take it as read that I'm well and truly boned on the basis of the phenylketonurics I suck down with every Diet Coke without compounding the problem by dosing me with D-CON as well?
The story made me wonder how such news would play in the DC universe...
- Gotham - City Police Commissioner James Gordon today ordered the closure of the Gotham City Bottling Plant when it was revealed that recent batches of Jolly Cola that shipped from the facility contained trace amounts of the Joker's trademark laughing gas compound.
- Blue Valley - The Blue Valley school board voted to ban the sale of soft drinks in school vending machines. The unanimous vote taken at last night's meeting comes on the heels of revelations that Kryptonite-laced soil in the Smallville, Kansas, fields used to grow the corn-based sweetener used in Soder Cola Company's midwest production facilities was responsible for a recent surge in students exhibiting powers and abilities far beyond those of their classmates.
- Pangai, Lifuka, Tonga - Local investigators looking into the riot that claimed the lives of four foreign tourists and led to the injury of eleven other tourists and locals have discovered that toxins from a so-called "Lazarus Pit" leached into the spring that serves the PangaiBrau brewery. According to an anonymous expert, "the substance that fills [the] pit is a chemical blend of unknown composition, seemingly originating from somewhere within the Earth's crust." In some documented cases, exposure to Lazarus Pit chemicals has caused temporary psychosis.
7 comments:
trace amounts of the Joker's trademark laughing gas compound
I have to say, I really like the idea of living in a universe where a notorious murderer and all-around anarchist goes through the trouble of trademarking the chemicals needed for his spree of terror.
I bow to the superior intellect.
The word 'trademark' was ill-considered and inappropriately used.
Would 'signature' be more on the nose?
Hey now, I was being serious. I can just imagine the Joker having one of his thugs march down to the trademark office to get a mark on the stuff. "Uhhh...you betta issue the mark. Trust me, you don' wanna piss him off."
No, that's cool. My response reads as far pissier than I intended.
And you're right; it would be just like the Joker to go through the trademark process, if only so the Daily Planet Gotham Bureau would have to use the trademark symbol in every article about one of his crime sprees.
omg JOKERgas®
"perry white, you owe me five dollars!"
And the great thing is the Joker would work just as hard, and initiate just as psychotically intricate a plan, to make good on the fin from Perry White as he would on any other scheme.
Say what you will about the him; not too many people have such an appreciation for the principle that any job worth doing - no matter how insignificant - is worth doing well.
Back in the seventies, the Joker tried to trademark his Joker Fish. Seriously. The beginning of the issue had him burst into a government office and demand the mark. When the trademark office guy told him he didn't know how to trademark a fish, Mister J got all huffy and went on a killing spree. It was hilarious and scary at the same time. (The story was in the Englehart/Rogers run of Detective.) So it's very possible that Joker Toxin would be trademarked, if only for the protection of Gotham's oft-murdered bureaucrats.
Y'know, the Lazarus Pit would be a great commercial product, provided they packaged it as a soft drink. They could even recycle an old soda jingle: "The Lazarus Pit Adds Life!"
Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all week. Try the veal.
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